Bad thoughts

My partner is a manager in hospitality, meaning he is out the house working for 14-15 hours a day. I’m finding it very lonely and very difficult, I don’t have any mum friends, I already struggle with BPD for the last ten years of my life and finding it hard to reach out. I thought I had a grip on things, until tonight. My baby was struggling to go to sleep and I was rocking her continuously, covered in her sick and my own tears. I had the first thought of throwing her, leaving and never coming back. I don’t ever want to think about harming my baby and I would never do so. It’s just so hard when you’re alone… I am supposedly under the perinatal mental health team in my area, but they can only offer me a medication review, I am already on the top end of my pills and am limited due to BF. I don’t know what to do, I feel so lost and alone right now