Seeking advice for mental sanity 😢

Hi Mama, I hear your struggle and how disheartened you are. That's a hard situation for your heart. I have no tips, but I do have support and my own personal experience. I want to say first that you have done an amazing job with what you can do and with the situation life popped up. I myself had to stop exclusively breastfeeding at 3 months PP for my mental health due to extreme DMER with the nausea, skin crawling, sobbing, and anxiety, that only was triggered when I just nursed and pumped, I switched to just formula and my son had no issues adjusting either. It definitely hurt my heart as to why couldn't I just be " a normal mom and nurse" but I am a normal mom who put my child's needs first above my wants even though my intentions were pure my dream bubble burst. I am able to comfort nurse whenever my son usually wants to and I may nurse for 3 minutes each night and not even every night, sometimes I skip a few days but I'm still producing enough to comfort nurse. Hope this helps❤️

One of my biggest regrets for a long time was that I could not BF at all. I felt so guilty. But after some time I came to terms with it that my baby is fed and happy. Formula is very tightly regulated to be as close as possible to breast milk.

I had a similar situation with my little girl as she had a tongue tie. It was so painful at first and I just couldn’t get going with breast feeding for the first few days and was expressing. What I would say is that don’t assume you aren’t producing enough milk. So many people think they aren’t but your body is programmed to produce the milk your baby needs. Formula feeding will be helping fill your little one but it will also be interrupting your supply more if you’re trying to keep going. You’ll find your way with it honestly but persevere. I did and didn’t bf for ages but lasted around 5/6 months. It’s a minefield but you’ll get there. Try and see if your hospital has a bf specialist who you could contact x

I just came to give solidarity. When my baby was born I was literally leaking milk all over the hospital room. But a lactation specialist was never recommended and apparently baby wasn’t latching right. By the first appointment with his pediatrician he had lost over a pound. I was so devastated I felt so bad feeling I was clearly starving him in his first days of life. 😭 My supply never returned and I supplemented for 6 weeks. I also just want to add bth of my sons have been supplemented and then fed and they’re so strong and smart. You’re an amazing mama. Don’t beat yourself up!

Glad to see all the non-judgemental support going on here. So many mamas are made to feel guilty when life throws them curve balls, like they're failing if they're not exclusively breastfeeding baby. Breast milk is definitely a benefit but it's only part of the picture. Baby does best with a happy, healthy, mentally sound mama, who tends to their needs with the utmost care and attention that they can only give when sound of mind. You do what you gotta do and don't look back! 💜

I’ve heard fenugreek, apricots, and at least 80 oz of water a day help? Also I’d make sure to look up what foods to NOT eat when trying to boost your supply. I say these things very lightly because at the end of the day having a baby with a full belly is more important than anything. You are not a failure, you are a wonderful momma. Breast milk or formula does not matter.

Sending hugs. It's a huge challenge. I breastfed and topped up with formula for 6 weeks. Then stopped for about 3 weeks. Trying to re-lactate now and it's so tough. Constantly beating myself up and feeling not good enough for not being able to give him my milk. But honestly, you need to do what's right for you. Babies feed off of our frequency and mood too, so if you're happy, they will be too. You're not failing. Motherhood if the most difficult yet beautiful journey ever. Take each day as it comes but remember you're smashing it no matter what. Keep your head up 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Since my son was born on 3/15, I've never been able to exclusively breastfeed because of a bad start at the hospital (he was premature). I even gave up pumping because I couldn't keep up with the schedule once my husband went back to work. In the last 7 weeks, I have cried so much over it. My advice: Do not be afraid to grieve. Especially as a FTM we think it will be natural and easy and it is anything but that. Eventually you will come to terms, it just takes time. If you don't have someone to talk to, feel free to message me. Remember, this is a small blip in time and she will be amazing because she's got a mama that is already this concerned about her wellbeing 💕

@Gavinga I’m sorry to hear you went through that too! I’m glad you’re able to comfort nurse him at least.

@Bee yes the guilt! It’s so hard to ignore. Do you have a formula recommendation?

@Cassie what do you mean supplemented?

@Tori do you know which ones to avoid? I heard peppermint tea was a no go and I had no idea and was drinking it in the beginning. 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Karishma what made you supplement? What are you doing to relactate? I didn’t even know you could do that.

Our son struggled with latching because of 4 mouth ties that the hospital, lactation assistant, AND pediatrician missed or said he didn’t have. Only reason I knew he had at least 2 was cause I have mouth ties still and know what they looked like and took him to a pediatric dentist on my own volition to get them evaluated. He ended up having 4 bad enough he needed revisions on all of them. Unfortunately I’d already switched him to formula due to the complications of breastfeeding and the mental toll of pumping. There is nothing wrong with switching to formula for your own mental health because what matters most is that baby is fed and mama is happy and at her best. Baby needs mom to be happy and mentally there so whatever you need to do to get yourself in line with that will be the best choice for both you and baby! ♥️ the guilt subsides over time. My sons 14 months now and although I wish I could have breastfed I’m glad I made that decision to switch to formula for my mental health.

I totally feel your pain and it’s nice to see so much support here. You are not alone! My baby was making progress with latching but then my milk didn’t come in until day 5 and he had to be readmitted to hospital for weight loss so was given formula to make sure he was getting enough food. Once he’d had a bottle he never really wanted to go back to breastfeeding because he’s impatient! I then also found out I have insufficient glandular tissue so I don’t make anywhere near the amount of milk he needs. Here’s some of the best advice I received to help with my mental health and being able to accept that my journey wasn’t what I’d hoped for: 1. Babies don’t just drink milk, they drink your emotions so take care of yourself and don’t beat yourself up! 2. Love doesn’t come from a nipple 3. It is completely ok to grieve the loss of your dream/expectation of being able to breastfeed 4. If you choose to continue with any breastfeeding/pumping any amount is amazing!

I’ve also heard that in women who can’t produce as much milk the amount of antibodies is more concentrated, but not sure if that’s true. I hope the above advice helps you as much as it did me. We’ve been going for 4 months now with offering a breast (most of the time he won’t take it) and pumping to give him whatever I can produce but starting to wind down now as it’s a lot of work! You have already given your baby a great start and she is lucky to have a mum who cares so much

@Alla don’t worry I did the same thing😂 I’ve heard sage and parsley can too. Also just unhealthy foods in general, heavy carbs like bread and stuff. This is all stuff I’ve heard from friends so it is not coming from a lactation consultant or anything like that. I hope you feel confident with however you end up feeding your baby.

@Alla he was always still hungry after coming off both breasts, so we "topped up" with formula. And in the night I'd give formula to give my body a break because I needed rest following my emergency c-section. If I'm honest re-lactating isn't going the best. I've started pumping every 15 minutes with 5 to 10 minute breaks. At least once in the night, just to get my flow going again. And I also take fenugreek.

@Naomi thank you for the tips. Very helpful! Question- how did you find out about your grandular tissue. I am also wondering I may not have enough milk ducts to produce enough milk.

@Alla I saw a GP who specialised in lactation, she asked a bunch of questions (e.g. whether my breasts changed at all during pregnancy, which they didn’t) and did a breast examination. Based on that and the information about how breastfeeding and pumping has been going she thought IGT was most likely. It could be worth seeing someone to get checked out and also to get some advice on how to maximise your milk based on your circumstances if you want to keep going!

@Naomi interesting. I will look into it. Thanks!